Marriages are made in heaven and arranged marriages are made in Bharat Matrimonial or The Sunday Ananda Bazaar (That’s what they claim).At times the relatives play an important role bringing in their very distant relatives claiming to know them very well even when the last telephonic conversation between them happened 2 years back! Power packed ads- bride needed for the only son of Highly qualified Chartered Accountant,also knows scuba diving or looking for MBA, IIT, CFA, for only sister, very fair, very beautiful. At times it is slightly confusing whom is the ad for ?Is it for the Chartered Accountant father (who from the bottom of his heart really wants to remarry and throw out the wife a , 1960’s model), or his son or his daughter!
The father of the bride really has a hectic job of finding a decent groom but then it’s a question of her whole life. So drilling starts. The mother of the bride also does her part... No,No...This guy won’t suit you at all. His uncle’s daughter fled with a local hooligan. The expectations make it tougher to find suitable match. He is just 5’3...So dark, how can he manage with this meagre salary?
The bride or the girl at times adds her own requirements and specifications-Dad, I want a tall guy, size does matter. Please Ma, I want to marry an engineer. The list goes bigger and bigger.
The Father of the groom is a bit disappointed as his son couldn’t find a suitable girl by himself even at 30 years of age. Ekta Dharosh tumi (Useless Fellow), can’t find a girl after so many years, he has in his mind. The mother of the groom has started crying for she has already lost her son to some imaginary girl who plays JadooTona (mumbo jumbo) on him, thanks to KYUN KI SAAS BHI KABHI BAHU THI ( A popular television soap ).She can’t sleep at night .But then she has to get his son married.Mukherjee Da’s wife was telling the other day.... How long will you keep Nakul unmarried?get him off or else he will start doing all nonsense.
So the search begins - Groom wanted for extremely fair, extremely beautiful, extremely calm and quiet girl, MA, Diploma in dancing (only at night clubs!), Also knows stitching (couldn’t even stitch the first button of her Shirt, Always open).....At times the father and brother plays a big role in the ad...Father retired very well known professor of very well known college( bucks! Flowing! ) ....Brother IIT,IIM bla bla (More bucks! Flowing! )
The groom always had some secret criteria which now comes forth....She must be very fair (As Priyanka whom he proposed 11 times but no luck), Should have a very good figure (Hmm..Like Payel,the Delhi Chik who had 20 boyfriends in just 3 years ),should be very homely ( And also shake her hips with me at Night clubs )....And so the search goes on...and on.....
The two family’s sits on the opposite sides of the table smiling (and remains smiling...always smiling).The groom has already started liking the bride’s cousin sister...Smart glances being exchanged...Here comes the bride with the tea tray in her hand....A bit shaking ( God!!! The Tequila’s last night was quite strong at Tantra )... Eso Ma,Ki misti Dekhte (Come my Daughter! So swheet)…The groom has already started dancing around the trees…Thanks SRK!!
All well that ends well…So was the marriage and the reception….barring some minor incidents… The bride had too much makeup …The groom’s red underwear was clearly visible throughout the wedding. Some optimistic hearts here and there…This is my number…Please call me…I have the full Brilliant Tutorials IIT Material…Although I am studying BCOM now … OMG! The groom was bald on the marriage day and now he has full grown hair!...Thanks to Habib’s.Ambarish got a bit carried away with two pegs of Royal Stag and tried to kiss the bride’s cousin sister…She is hot Man!!!!.....all well that ends well….
Poor humans!!! It never ends!! The painful saga has just begun my friend….
And then the clock ticks 11:30.All too tired after the reception…Except for the Groom…Come on Man!!! This is the night!!....He had waited for 30 long years. Apart from the little Hanky Panky with Ruchi, that too at Nicco park, today he wants to pump to glory. The room smells too flowery as Ambuj Da, his elder brother has really stuffed it with flowers, everywhere, all over the bed, above the bed and the not so fitting ones, below the bed. The bride sits a little distantly at the farthest corner of the bed…Groom fidgeting with the Ganda Fool…A bit tense atmosphere across the room…Abrupt hushing outside… OMG! They haven’t started yet! When will he finally do it? The groom’s boudis too excited, trying to peep and see what’s happening inside….It’s getting late!!! Groom getting more tensed… Shono na, why don’t you change your saree…It can get spoiled…Its too expensive…. Oh!!! So you want to see me naked so early….Bapiiii!!! Whom did you select for me L ,anger peeping out from the bride… I don’t sleep so early, and where’s my glass of milk…haven’t you told your Mom that I can’t sleep without a glass of milk at night...The bride replies back…God!!! She needs milk, where’s my milk…Groom’s condition deteriorating…Please excuse me for today…I totally forgot to tell mom, tomorrow onwards everything will be perfect….Now,Can we please go to bed errr I mean to sleep…..I need to change…Bring me my bag….Can you go outside please ….What!!!! Please, I can’t go outside…All my Boudis are standing at the door I know….And I am your husband…for the next seven lives….The groom smiles …..Moron….I think it’s my seventh and last life with you…..The bride saying in her hearts of heart….In the mean time, the groom has reached quite close to the bride, though both in sitting position…The groom tries to play a little piano with the Bride’s fingers…She takes it away fast….The silken Sherwani has already started biting the groom so he wants to change to something simple and free flowing….I think we better change and get into something comfortable….The groom speaks up and proceed to change…without looking back…..Although a passionate desire had already grasped him…He looks at the shorts which he has been wearing the last 5 years, Picks it up but reluctantly leaves it…The idea of an old short that too in the first night won’t be too good...Shifting inside a pajama…Newly bought….As he changes, the rhythmic jingle of bangles comes to his ear….Giving a frightful square look of not getting caught, he could see her creamy back and the shoulders quickly getting draped into a night gown….The fire inside has already started raging…He feels an intense desire to kiss her...but steps back in case he sends some wrong signal of being branded as a Sex Maniac…He is so cold….At least could have kissed my …. The bride feels as she quickly changes…. Riju Da was far better….He use to kiss me so passionately…Why Bapi dumped him just because he was a sales representative…
- SAPTARSHI BASU
ABOUT THE AUTHOR :
Saptarshi Basu is a gold medalist in mechanical engineering and has worked in the IT industry for the last eight years. However, writing has always been his first love, his passion. His second novel, Autumn In My Heart was published by Vitasta Publishing with Times Group (TIMES OF INDIA) in November’11. He maintains a blog http://saptak-firsttry.blogspot.in/ and writes screenplays for movies and columns for some online magazines.